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7 replies
  1. Mark Kenski
    Mark Kenski says:

    A little while back you wrote about a similar insight: “It’s such basic, non-controversial advice, and it says something huge about the world that this is the bleeding edge of education reform.”

    I agree with the point you’re making in this post. But isn’t it amazing that such a basic, non-controversial approach to something as basic and universal as parenting could be a thing that gives a kid any advantage, let alone an unfair advantage?

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      Yah. Mark. You’re right. And you make me think about how a direct result of the feminist movement was to devalue time with kids. As if the only way to justify women going to work was to say kids don’t need time with parents.

      Society is really invested in the idea that quantity doesn’t matter when it comes to time with kids. And I see now that it’s all wrapped up in school, too. Because if we have kids in school all day then we can’t also value time with them.

      Penelope

  2. BenK
    BenK says:

    I’ll have to disagree that a top-tier university education is a waste of time; rather, it can provide a nurturing environment at a degree of specialization that parents cannot; at a point in development when more independance is required; in the context of potential peers. It represents an extension of the advantage.

    Historically, many children (ok, boys) became apprentices and then journeymen at some point; a nurturing master might be that same sort of advantage that I am describing in the elite university.

  3. A.
    A. says:

    A parent’s time is an true unfair advantage. Nice answer.

    Have you heard this comment before? If you ask a kid how to spell love, the (metaphorical) answer is T-I-M-E.

    Supposedly, it’s a common expression, but I read it recently in a book on meeting a kid’s emotional needs (what your child needs from you by Coulson).

  4. Caitlin
    Caitlin says:

    I love this answer Penelope! It’s going to be tough for the workaholics to swallow but I have to agree. Time for kids (or ANY relationship that you value) is the unfair advantage.

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      You’re right that the time thing applies to all relationships! If parents model for kids that good relationships are worth putting time into, then the kids do that with all the relationships they value.

      So much of adult life is peppered with language about being too busy to pay attention to relationships. I think it’s a result of raising kids in a world where we devalue time with kids in order to send kids to school.

      Penelope

  5. MoniqueWS
    MoniqueWS says:

    My dear friend Renee wrote this recently about unschooling. I think this is the *unfair* advantage. Time without connection is just time.
    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
    Unschooling involves thousands of moments of connection. Small touches, looking into your child’s eyes, (or if they don’t like that intense focused attention) look at the thing they have been gazing at with as much interest as they have. Asking questions or being quiet at the right moments. Stepping in when needed and stepping back when not. Listening to the words and the tone, reading between the lines. But not reading too much into things. Being there.

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