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Penelope, I can so relate to what you have written here!
Oh dear lord I hope my daughter never discovers urban dictionary! Yesterday, in the car, she asked the definition of “flaccid,” “desecrate,” and “flotsam.” I shudder to think what she might have found for that first word. She prefers to ask me because she doesn’t think the kindle dictionary is good enough. I just realized that is probably because I tailor my response to what I think she already knows via both vocabulary and experience.
Interestingly, it seems like the the author misused “desecrate” to mean vandalize without the required “sacred” or “holy” component. But properly used “flotsam” without the customary “and jetsam.” (I got curious and looked the specifics of that up.)
I do try to encourage her to be more independent with what she can do. And I find she is most receptive when I “can’t” help her versus merely “won’t.” But, based on my thoughts regarding this post, I will no longer be exasperated by her asking me about definitions since I no longer am ascribing her motivation to laziness. So thanks for that!
My fav is hearing my five year old say “Siri, show me pictures of…..”
I’ve decided to combine 1. and 2. and separate out her and my emotional reactions to her meltdowns and give up giving a sh1t about spectators’ opinions. :D
I spend far too much energy worrying about how others might judge my parenting and not enough time doing what I have learned works best when she goes all Aspie on me in public. And also when we are alone. I need to let go of my belief that I need to “punish” undesirable behavior. She feels bad enough about it after the fact and my belaboring the point isn’t going to help the next time she gets overwhelmed, so…
Thus, now I have more time and energy to devote to composing marginally pertinent novellas on this blog. You’re welcome!
Yes! A friend called me today to talk about this stuff. She said, “I feel like I’m failing. Who am I failing? I guess my children.” Yeah, it’s hard to get time away for our own pursuits and work. It feels like I’m making my kids revolve around errands and work and my personal time sometimes, even though I don’t get much personal time. And I wonder am I really here with them? Or am I just planning the next thing? But it’s still better than school. Thanks for the post.
What works for me right now is being as under-scheduled as possible. It is the only way I can make things work with having three children home with me all day. Fortunately for me they are young enough where this works, and my oldest has no desire to participate in any sort of structured classroom experience.
Every 6 months- 1 year we reevaluate and go over our options and every time I do this with my oldest she freaks out and considers “school talk” a threat, which it isn’t. I promise.
Then I must reevaluate how I can get the time that I need to myself during the day and still be under-scheduled but still be meeting everyone’s individual needs. Then I realize it won’t always be like this, eventually our days will be packed with experiences that require possibly being over-scheduled, and I wonder how I will manage that. Right now, it is museums, travel, and acting on weekends. The rest is spent in our individual creative pursuits and self-directed learning.
Also, brothers are not the only type of siblings that fight. Sisters do it too, most of the time I let them work things out, sometimes I do need to step in, like when I hear high pitched voices that make my skin crawl. I just want peace… I feel like some sort of peacekeeping diplomat at times. I enjoy these moments but also have a hard time handling three intense little girls by myself most of the time. Personalities, temperaments, and their intensities drive our need to be under-scheduled. How much longer I get to hang on to this subversive lifestyle is the real question.
I love this post so much.
1) therapy for oneself – I realized I was stuck and I had a great diagnosis of what was causing my issues but I wasn’t able to get past it without help. I sought out help and it was amazing!
2) it’s very hard for me to be a stay at home mom and ta very hard to be away all day from the kids when I work. When they’re crying to the max I think “you’ll have maybe 30 years to work. Only about one more year of having an itty bitty babe.”
I love what you said about sepArating emotional issues from, well, any other issue. I’ve been doing this without knowing how to label it. It’s done wonders. I mean, I’m still stressed but now I know how to compartmentalize it.
3) predictable work time and other times- my mom is so great at helping. I just don’t know when she will be there to help. I’m trying to be less of a planning person and more a “fly by the seat of my pants” person. It’s not working so great but I’m still tinkering with it.
My husband used to ask me on dates randomly and I hated it. He wanted to be fun ms sweet with spontaneity because our lives were overwhelmed with predictability (predictable chaos and sleeplessness and crying babies). I told him that what worked best for me was to anticipate a date.
Now, I can I go over to my moms house to get ready. Then he “picks me up” by crossing the fence and we go. Not bumping into each other getting ready works wonders for romance.
I worry about being there too much for the kids and make them clingy and not being there enough. I guess only I time will tell. Until then, I embrace my decisions and march forward. I think of the post Penelope wrote about confidence being the best one we can give our children.
I read #4 (Make work time predictable.) with interest and couldn’t help but think it’s every manager’s dilemma in the workplace. Only the ages and how the chaos plays out is different. The most independent workers that are able to complete the job with minimal management involvement are the most valuable.
How is “So I have started minimizing work interruptions by telling the kids when they can talk to me and when they can’t. They are old enough to understand, and they keep lists of what they need to ask me later.” working out? The solution of making lists sounds like a good one in theory but not very workable in practice without caveats and exceptions which have been customized to the task and individual. There are going to be circumstances that require intervention of some sort that need to be resolved before a certain process can proceed. It applies to the learning process as well as work.
The advantage of a flexible workplace or flexible learning (homeschooling) is the opportunity of setting the schedule to fit your needs and your worker’s/child’s needs to synchronize together in a customized environment. Otherwise, the outcome may very well be – “But what happens is they end up fighting with each other (what else do brothers do in crisis?) or doing a bad job with what they are doing because I’m not there to help.” I’m thinking the best outcome is having an independent worker/learner being able to determine and highlight the most important barriers they are experiencing to overcome that require your involvement in a timely manner. In other words, the formation of lists with priorities set by them. There are going to be real “show stoppers” and then other matters that can wait and be resolved at meal time or other leisure time period when both parties are more readily available. Lists can work when both parties know how to interpret and act on them in a prescribed and orderly manner. These lists used by a homeschooler have the potential to make them aware and provide them with practice on how to be independent and valuable once they enter the workplace.
I get up at 3 AM to do my work.
It’s pure bliss…
Wow, you beat me. It’s 4am for me. lol. Question: how many hours of work do you manage to pull in each day on average? And, what do you do?
The days I am most productive begin at 5am. We don’t have a scheduled bedtime, so my guys sleep til 9. I do all my focus work before everyone is awake. I had a hard time focusing with all the interruptions too, until I created my areas of focus. Just a few areas that I have to accomplish every week. Anything else gets logged in Evernote for another time or completed if absolutely necessary.
When I do this, I am so much more productive. The priority management you use in business before unschooling and working at home just does not work for me.