Did you know that people pick their partners based on:
1. smell
2. eye spacing
3. nose-to-mouth spacing

There is great research to show this. My favorite is that women can smell men in a blind test and tell which one they want to kiss. But women cannot do this when they are on the pill. It messes up how they pick a mate.

Hollywood casting agents know stars need similar facial structure to look like a real couple. And we intuitively know to look for similar facial structure when we decide if “they make a good couple.”  Once I read the research I saw it in photos of me and my husband. But even in photos of couples that are interracial, you can see that their eye spacing and nose-to-mouth spacing is predictable.

Other research that has blown my mind is from the nature vs nurture department. The twin studies are fascinating. Of course, incompetent parenting affects kids, but if you take out all the parents who are unfit, what you find is that most parenting choices don’t matter that much. For example, parenting does not impact at what age a kid first has sex. And it doesn’t impact if a kid likes to read.

The birth order studies also make me think kids are pretty much going to do what they are going to do: Older children earn more than their siblings born later. Middle children earn less than all other children. You might think you are looking at an exception, but the studies are based on results over long periods of time, not last year’s tax returns.

Which means that you probably don’t need to teach your kids about finding a mate. They know how instinctively. And you don’t need to teach your middle child how to earn more money—the child will be more accommodating than most people, and that is a nice life, too.

What you really need to do is teach your kids to be their best version of their true self. They are who they are. If they learn to love and trust themselves they will pick a good mate. And get your daughters off the pill. Because a good mate is one who smells right. We’ve fine-tuned that selection skill over millions of years. Why toss it to the wayside now?