Part of taking responsibility for my kids’ education means I’m always reading research to figure out what I should do. I’ve become an expert in teaching reading, playing video games, and learning an instrument. Now I’m becoming an expert on getting into college.

But I get distracted. Because to tell you the truth, I hate having to learn more. Everything I learn challenges everything I know.

I thought teaching reading is good. But it’s a waste of time because kids learn to read by themselves.

I thought having a kid play an instrument is good. But I think music is like a language and you should only do it if you have proven aptitude or play an instrument yourself.  (Unless you are Chinese.)

I thought video games were for kids who were bored. But they are actually for the highest performers.

I thought college was a lame goal.  But

But what? I don’t know. I hate that I have a kid gunning for a great college career. I wanted a kid who wanted to play professional volleyball, or launch a company, or do anything that I am good at. Instead I am doing music and math and I suck at both and I’m grouchy.

I entertain myself by leveraging my ADD and finding links that surprise me in fun unchallenging ways:

Education works best when the setting is like home: kids who are barefoot sitting on couches learn better. 

Classroom skills are irrelevant in a computer age: teachers should just pass out the notes before class. 

Intuitive learning works best for young kids: let kids count on their fingers.

What if I ended the post here? What if I said, that’s it. I can’t handle any more challenges to my world view. I’m tired.

I can’t be the only homeschooler who feels this way. The lies we tell ourselves in order to justify sending kids to school are not like a house of cards – when one falls everything falls. It’s more like an onion that you peel and peel and each layer makes things sting more.

I watched Stephen Colbert with my son today. At lunch. Yeah, we watch TV at lunch. And we talked about the prospects of impeachment after the meeting with Putin. If you asked me ten years ago, I’d have told you that we would be a family that had lunch with no TV and homemade chili and we’d be talking about the checks and balance system and democracy.

But I’m so disgusted with US politics right now I can’t bear to discuss it with my son even in the face of AP Gov. I’m tired of managing the kids’ education. I have an article in my to-read pile about why teens are more depressed and anxious than ever and I don’t even want to read it because I’m scared to find out I have to change more of what I’m doing. Actually, Bostonian is always better at reading my links than I am. So maybe he’ll leave us a summary in the comments.

Meanwhile here is a picture of the boys that I took during a moment when I remembered to feel happy about homeschooling. That’s something, right?