My new goal for homeschool curriculum
Melissa sent me an essay from the New Yorker titled I Switched to a Standing Desk and You Should Too. The guy writes about how the standing desk has changed his life and solved so many of his problems and everyone should do it.
He writes about all the extra benefits of a standing desk and all the choices, and it’s hilarious, and great writing, of course, because it’s the New Yorker. But I couldn’t help feeling that we were making fun of the same type of fanaticism I exhibit on this blog.
It makes me nuts that you are not all homeschooling. So I need to tell you everything I learned, and how homeschooling changed my life, and how much happier you’ll be when you start doing it, too. Which are all the same feelings Mr. Standing Desk conveys in his essay.
I worry I’ve become a parody.
I risk this all the time. Because I know when I’m right and I want everyone to acknowledge when I’m right. I want things to change according to my right vision. Which is maybe also righteous.
I read once that entrepreneurs don’t care as much about the money as they do about being right. They want to be right about a trend. Right about what will sell. Right about what people need.
That’s how I feel: I want to be right. It’s what makes me a good entrepreneur—I had no problem giving up the CEO spot at my last startup because the fact that a new venture capital firm was investing, and replacing me at the same time, meant that I was right about my idea; it was growing big.
I also read that passion is not as helpful when it comes to making money. And since I’m always all about making money, I’ll continue with this line of reasoning. The Harvard Business Review published research this month that says that success doesn’t come from passion but rather from having domain expertise.
Maybe it’s not the Harvard Business Review. I read a lot of business stuff. I don’t know where it’s from. But anyway, I know I read this somewhere, how passion doesn’t make for success.
Fanaticism is good. Passion is good. But I think it might be good in art and not life. I like how Zemer Peled broke all kinds of porcelain and then separated it, and maybe chiseled it a little, and then made something beautiful.
Passion and fanaticism are good for art. But I need to be careful. I can’t sound like the Standing Desk Guy, or else I’ll have to start being more artistic. Like writing sonnets about homeschool. Or breaking off shards as an act of passion for education.
But it’s not me. I just want to be right. I see the world as things that are right and things that are not right and I want people to know when they are wrong. It’s a failing.
Or maybe I have a passion for telling you when you are wrong.
The New York Times has a piece about encouraging kids to have a passion. The writer talks about how all the advice about getting into a good college is that kids need to have a passion. Well-rounded kids are not exciting to schools.
I have said that before here. And I have said that disdain for the well-rounded encourages us to pull kids out of school because school teaches kids to be well rounded.
But further down in that article the writer points out that kids are trying so hard to get a passion before their college-application prep-time runs out, that the kids don’t explore. They just focus, and there’s a danger in missing one’s real passion while pursuing a fake passion.
I see this problem in my own passion for homeschooling. I like a cause. I like something to be bossy about. But I’m not sure this is the right thing for me.
I’d like to do homeschooling in a way that I am so confident that I don’t have to get uppity when someone is not homeschooling their kids. I want to be calm and confident and assured that I am right.
I don’t want to miss out on finding my real passion while I am busy trying to convert people to a standing desk, or self-directed curriculum, or probably-overpriced ceramic shards.
I want to be interesting but not overbearing. I want to be passionate but not pushy. I want to be so comfortable with myself that there’s elegance and grace in everything I do.
This is rather honest and vulnerable. You’re very hard on yourself. Don’t self destruct under all of that pressure. I think whenever you do something out of fear of being wrong, rather than wisdom and knowledge, anxiety is quick to creep in and hard to quiet. Maybe your writing is taking away from your purpose with your kids in some way because you’re right: We don’t need you to preach about schooling. A lot of us found it on our own. I enjoy your writing and reflection about a topic some still seem to find baffling. I like to read the perspectives of all the comment contributors. It’s fun and engaging and you can tell everyone is very passionate and educated about this subject. I haven’t found another blogger/writer that I find as interesting when it comes to unschooling.
As for the kids, I think the kids are going to be alright. I think about how their generation is going to produce 100 little Elons because it’s very hard to restrict information now. Imagine what kind of things are going to transpire over the next 20 years? It’s going to be crazy, exciting, fun and fantastic. Generation Z is going to be an army of revolutionaries. Maybe the best way to show your kids you are in control of your life is to keep writing because you love it, and keep building on what you know.
Maybe you dont really like telling people they are wrong. Maybe people like having someone willing to tell them. :)
You want to have faith.
I don’t mean religious faith. I mean: that thing that lets you leap away from fear & doubt, towards calm certainty.
But it’s hard to have faith. I mean. How do you make the leap?? More data? More experts? An unschooling Pope to sanctify your Suzuki wine and Archeology wafer? (Except you’re Jewish, so the Cathllic metaphor is wildly inappropriate, but I’m just going to hope you squint & roll with the poetry, even if it’s bad poetry (like most poetry is.))
This whole obsession with “being right”…I don’t think it’s a personality type thing. I don’t think because you’re an ENTJ, you’re fated to only ever command people for the rest of your life, any less than me bring an INFP means I’m incapable of making a practical decision.
I think…I think we’re growing together. You. Me. All of us. Yearning for…more. Afraid of stagnancy. Hungry for truth, as if The Truth was ever able to save anyone.
No. I think Grace saves us: the ability to turn a fall into a dance. Grace: the forgiveness of movement; the language of being alive.
Because no matter how right we are about some things, we’ll always be wrong about others. But we’ll be ok. And our kids will be ok. We don’t need Absolute Truth in order to thrive.
I think, maybe, we just need to stop giving a fuck about truth & live our lives.
I have a similar problem but a different angle: I hate running into situations where people ask about my kid’s school as we homeschool (we were pushed into that direction after our kid was severly bullied in kindergarten) because then I feel compelled to explain to them what we do. I need to find a better term for “homeschooling” in the first place as it doesn’t really reflect what we do. Secondly, I need to get that “faith” you talked about and not feel the urge to explain myself; Or as you so eloquently put: stop giving a fuck about truth & live our lives
Kina,
the problem with “unschooling”/”homeschooling” is that it has the word school built into it.
If I leave my job as a baker and I’m now a gardener, does that make me an unbaker?
When we choose something different, we should stop using terms associated with what others do/we used to do. It adds to everybody’s confusion.
You are right, we need new terminology.
I think more than anything though, we need to be comfortable with silence. People need a minute to gather their thoughts around what is different. That is o.k. We need to learn to be fine with that time it takes them to reorganize their thoughts around this new idea we are presenting.
It is said that communication is key. I think silence is.
Blessings to you on your journey.
If this was Facebook, I would click “like” on your comment. Good point about the word “school” being in it. Very thought-provoking. And the point about silence is so salient. It is so important. The more one rushing in to explain, the more the other person’s mind for whom it is a new idea might be putting forth counter-defenses. But silence might get another dialogue going in their mind, like, “this person is not trying to convince me… hmmm… maybe there is something to it.” I don’t know yet if I am an unschooler or a homeschooler, but either way, I think the notion of not going to school can be a frontier zone that is not entirely populated quite yet. :) But as we know, it is getting there and will most likely accelerate.
the unbaker analogy is great. Makes things so much more clear. Thanks.
Penelope
We use terms like self-directed, learning in the world, autodidact, passion-based. Since we do not insulate ourselves at home, but actively participate in the world around us, living in it, meeting new people, taking lessons/classes/camps year round one could hardly say “home”school describes us. My kids also learn so much through gameplay, does that make us gameschoolers? LOL….I also like using the term hackademic to describe us. :)
YMKAS- Thanks for the helpful ideas for a different way to describe the learning. I love it! Too many people have a very negative idea of homeschooling formed already in their heads before they even meet someone who has actually lived it.
Emily,
Sometimes when I am feeling snarky my response to the question “What curriculum do you use?” is generally something like “Oh, we use the board game Monopoly as our curriculum.” The confusing looks I get are priceless.
Kina – Oh me too. Love the unbaker analogy.
In the UK, it’s called home-education, which really helps divorce it from school.
I’ve seen #homeeducator used on Instagram as well & I really respond to that.
This conversation has been thought-provoking for me. I agree that using the word “school” obscures what we do when we homeschool. So, for that matter, does the word “home.”
I was recently asked, by a well-meaning school administrator whom I respect, what I recommend for curriculum for a four year old, as a homeschooler. I want to make a nice and helpful response that will not offend her, but the question seems nonsensical to me. I do not put on a little fake school in my home. I do not have a curriculum. I recommend four year olds play a lot; that is all.
I can’t seem to come up with anything less cumbersome than “family-based education” to describe what we do.
My eleven year old son has just spent the last two hours amusing his ten month old nephew, and I think that’s not merely adorable but as important as math in the long run.
Thank you for this wise reply. The unbaker analogy is wonderful.
Wanting to be right is just wanting to be rewarded for hard work. It takes a lot of educating oneself and thoughtful contemplation to get to that confident place of believing you are right. Own that shit.
Right on. Because there are still people out there who are trying to decide what to do about their children’s education and they need wise advice. And they can find that here. Which Rocks. Own it!
“Like writing sonnets about homeschool. ”
:) Penelope T. humor at its finest. Harkens back to the very funny post with the plastic hair covering in the snow before the meeting in Chicago (I think it was Chicago).
Thanks again for a good laugh. It’s just funny because homeschool is an important subject and the notion of someone composing a 12+2 line poem with a couplet at the end is hilarious. As well as Standing Desk Guy. Maybe I can relate to a tension of huge passion but also wanting to convey something that seems actually objective (on a few different issues, actually), so it’s funny to me.
I don’t think of you as a parody! I really enjoy this blog and appreciate the hard work you put into creating this community here. I’m thankful that this is not another boring homeschooling mom blog.
Definitely not a parody.
I also like knowing that I am right. We are unschoolers because that is what my kids need and it is the only option they choose.
I can’t get uppity with people who send their children to school, since the majority of the people that I come across that do send their children to public schools don’t have options, being in a high cost area, to do something different even if they acknowledge that homeschool is the better option.
Several of my friends who never thought they would homeschool are doing so now because of what they see me doing! How many people have you influenced on this blog to homeschool who haven’t told you yet? I bet the number is pretty high. :)
People get very defensive about their life choices. I try to avoid getting into the conversation sometimes because explaining unschooling can be exhausting (e.g. Trying to help someone wrap their head around it). For example, I’ve explained it 10x to my MIL and SIL and they just can’t meet me there. I still get emails asking when my kids are going to go to school. :)
So true. I find even in a few of my unschooling circles that some get offended if I am not really into whatever it is that they are doing. I’m not sure why it is so offensive that I choose to live differently, to do things differently than they do. I remain unconvinced through others proselytizing which I think drives some people batty. It can be seen as a personal affront to others when I am flourishing in my subversive lifestyle without copying their prescribed methods.
Good riddance to those, I suppose. I stay clear of the fanatics no matter what choices they are making. I also stay away from self-proclaimed gurus…I have little time in my life to be wasted on others’ dogma.
YMKAS – This militant defensiveness is something I too find appalling, no matter what form it takes.
I am grateful for the internet because it opens up so many connections and opportunities to meet more people & hear more ideas. The power of access to information & networking gives me the confidence I need to buck the system.
Because, at the end of the day, I need a community around me to encourage me to live the lifestyle I want to live. Being weird is lonely.
Erin
Erin,
We would get along since our family embraces weird! :) We don’t try to hide our weirdness.
Militant defensiveness makes me even less interested in an idea or opinion. Lately it has been pressure to do yoga because it is the “embodiment of unschooling”. After the third lecture on why I should be doing yoga, I think I began to actually hate yoga and I told myself I would never do it.
I continue practicing mindfulness finding my own zen. I think a lot of it has to do with being INTJ and refusing to be controlled or told what to do by others. I do enjoy a good intellectual debate, but I don’t enjoy defensiveness in others when I stand firm in my disagreement. Why do we all need to think the same way?
Erin, I love what you said about community. That is what I appreciate about Penelope’s blog the most. It is the commenters/contributors here, like yourself, who help make it so awesome.
When you say “it makes me nuts that you are not all homeschooling”, what “you” are you referring to?
Almost all of your readers are homeschoolers. The only non-homeschoolers I can think of are Gretchen and Marta.
There are probably a lot of passive readers that do not homeschool.
I strongly dislike the term homeschool, by the way. I don’t think it defines what it is we are all doing very well.
I hear you… I don’t think it describes what my family is doing that well, either. But it’s how other people see us, our state sees us, and most importantly, what PT calls it in this post.
Jessica – I strongly dislike the word homeschooling, too. The word doesn’t do the learning justice, and people are so close-minded about it based on something; I don’t know what. News stories, maybe? Not many people I talk to who have these negative viewpoints on it seem to have known anyone who actually did it/does it.
I think it comes from the notion that learning happens at school and not anywhere else in life (home/play/activities/friendships). Like, if you’re not in school you must not be learning. The reality is kids need to be equipped to be lifelong learners and not this arbitrary ‘stop and go’ ‘dictatorship of all things education’ that school is.
I tend to view school as a hurdle to getting what you want out of life instead of the guiding force they market it as. Most people I know that use schools use them for babysitting, whether they are really aware of that I don’t know. Kind of like the inverse of when parents put their kids in daycare at 1 and call it school, because I guess there is something wrong with saying your kid goes to daycare?
I read here and Penelope’s career blog regularly (comment rarely though). They are 2 of my favorites out there in an ever-shrinking roster of go-to reads on the interweb. We don’t homeschool and I don’t think we’re wrong for the educational path we’ve chosen for our daughter so far. We want to raise a happy, healthy child and so far, so good.
I think a problem with viewing things as right or wrong is that we all have a tendency to see ourselves as the exception to the rule, in at least some areas of our lives. We look to anecdata (my favorite sniglet–I just totally dated myself) to underscore the choices we are making or were going to make anyway.
No matter what PT, or anyone here says, and no matter how much I respect and am interested in the people and ideas that circulate on this blog and in the comment section, I am completely comfortable with the choices we’ve made. In fact, I make/have made a lot of choices that run completely counter to what I read here and on PT’s career blog, but that doesn’t chafe me or stop me from coming here. I’m sort of an information thrift shopper like that anyway. But truth be told, I am just about as much of a polar opposite of PT’s blueprint for women as a body with two X chromosomes can possibly be. But here I am, happy with myself, with a family I love and am delighted with, and with a career I can say the same about. Great community, friends, and a fun and amusing life…all the perks of being a grown up human person that I could possibly ask for. I think to myself, if that blueprint is some kind of rule, then I must be an exception. And then I look around at our happy life, full of love and good times, and I marvel that this is the environment we’re raising our daughter in. I see a delighted child. How lucky we are. And then I think: The school she goes to is not the centerpiece of our lives. It’s a nice complement to it. I don’t rely on it, or anybody else, to educate or instill the values in my daughter that we think are important. It’s a fun place for her to be at the moment and I am certain that it isn’t hemming her in or inhibiting her ability to make her way happily through life. Another exception.
Maybe I just have a bloated sense of how exceptional we are, but that is just where I’m at and I don’t think it’s diminishing my life or my family’s lives to operate in this mindset.
I do not have some universal framework of right or wrong as the scaffolding of my life. It’s just not productive for me personally. But I don’t begrudge folks who do adhere to such a thing. I sometimes get crazy looking at people making what I find to be questionable life choices, but usually not for long. True to my personality type, I just cannot invest emotionally in the choices of people outside of my immediate vicinity. I can’t even do it with political positions I feel strongly about bc it causes me nothing but consternation. I try diligently to avoid consternation by proxy.
In sum, I don’t think it’s worth being frustrated over those of us who choose a different path about schooling. There are those of us out here who have solid reasons for doing what we do, as well as solid empirical evidence that everything is going along swimmingly.
Also, YMKAS, you mentioned all the pressure to love yoga made you hate it. A woman after my own heart. I detest yoga and am at a loss over the yoga-love intensity I see all around me these days. It is one of the only things that I have ever found thoroughly boring. Give me a pair of running shoes and a road with scenery any day…
The New Yorker article is hilarious! And P now you’ve pointed it out you’re totally right – about the parody thing! I could hear you while reading the article, can’t help it (so with apologies to the New Yorker and Penelope):
I SWITCHED TO HOMESCHOOLING, SO NOW YOU SHOULD TOO
Schools are terrible unnatural places – you’re kids aren’t meant to be locked indoors forced to sit for hours on end. They should be free, as nature intended: outdoors, climbing trees, with the handheld gaming devices in tow. After all, it’s important to enforce unlimited screen time no matter how much the kids might protest.
When my kids were at school I always used to have a chip on my shoulder about the annoying impositions: when to go to school, when to go home, when to go on holiday. But homeschooling means I do none of that. Parents always fear homeschooling will change them, that they will lose part of themselves. But rest assured, you can homeschool and still be yourself: just replace that chip on your shoulder with one for all those annoying people who want to know how your kids will be socialized.
I can’t believe all the people out there who think school is a good idea, with all its rote learning, memorization and curriculum. No thanks, not for me and my family. My kids are free to do what they want, when they want (between their prerequisite Suzuki sessions of course).
Switching to homeschooling isn’t hard at all. You just take your kid out of school, update your social media status and post on your favourite parenting forum. That’s all there is to it. Then you just leave your kids at home and they will know instinctively what to do – even if you don’t, because, let’s face it, you went to school and that’s completely destroyed all your creativity.
And finally, don’t get me started on teachers. Nobody, I repeat nobody needs teachers telling them what to do. Ever. You can just learn it all yourself. Don’t believe me? Luckily I explain it all in my new course coming next week (now with added standardized testing, because remember, you went to school and that’s totally your comfort zone).
lolololol oh Tracy this is funny
Oh my god. This is funny.
Thanks for the laugh. I spit water all over my keyboard.
Tracy – This is priceless!
I also really really dislike the terms homeschooling/unschooling, but can’t come up with the right name… so I’ve tried something different which seems to work because people love associations and stories.
I say we do the type of learning Da Vinchi/Shakespere/Einsten would have done. You can substitute with any other pre formal schooling scientist/writer/philosopher you like. Doesn’t that sound so advanced and important now?
Fact is – what we are doing with our kids is pretty much as old as this world. (except we still probably “school” them too much and try too hard). So why all this pressure to prove that our failing backwards schools created for factory worker grooming are just a bad idea for our kids? For all kids?
I have been brainstorming a bit the last day or so about proper nomenclature that reflects what we do; I like “world education”, “informed learning”, and stolen from YMKAS “hackademics”.
I like to share options. It bothers me when people see no other options. I want people to know there are other ways than the mainstream and I like to be evidence that it can be done–it is a sort of pep talk to myself to keep on keeping on; and I love supporting people in making changes in their lives. I think without hearing from, especially interacting with, real people, many folks see it as impossible.
So it is important for us to keep talking. Someone is listening. At the very least, we hear ourselves and that is pretty powerful.
Once people know there are other options, then they have choices. And then they are totally responsible for what they choose. I like that. Unconscious-living really bugs me.
I use the word “homeschooling” in my hundreds of weekly brief interactions. Usually in brief interactions, people really don’t want to know (like they really don’t mean “how are you?”). The same goes for people who don’t really give a crap, they are just nosy or bored.
But to the people who seem sorta curious, I say we are “life learners”. “We go about life, learning as we go.”
I mean I don’t see homeschooling/non-institutionalized education any different than concious parenting and being a family. It seems so natural and makes sense. That is just what you do when you choose to be around and there for your kids much of the time. When you respect yourself, your kids and your own family, it is just what happens.
And as we change and grow in our family, the options we choose change. It is difficult to explain the evolution of our family needs. We ride with it. I am always observing and being curious about where things are heading for my kids and me. And I adjust accordingly. It is like a dance. I can’t “screen capture” a dance. So using one or two words for what we do (homeschooling, life-learning) has to be enough for anyone who doesn’t invest in our lives.
I am an entrepreneur, like Penelope. I’ve started 3 companies. I tried starting 2 other companies. My gymnastics business has been going for 18 years. My elementary school lasted for about 2 years. My real estate company lasted for about 2 years and then real estate crashed along with my business. My 2 web-based businesses never got off the ground – sites were built but they never attracted paying customers. I had some different reasons for starting the different companies but a few also shared a similar reason. I wanted to see me vision implemented and I wanted to make money. If I didn’t think I was RIGHT with my vision, I would never have started those different companies. But being recognized for being right was never a motivator for me. The closest to that feeling would be more along the line of, I wanted to see if what I thought was true.
This dedication to the truth of a matter is what I see as being fundamentally different between my advocacy for unschooling versus Penelope’s approach.
In many of Penelope’s blogposts and links she takes a utilitarian approach to unschooling. She does this partly by highlighting the possible end results of unschooling or by showing how certain kid activities aren’t so bad or might actually be good. I think of the latter as allaying parent’s fears.
I come to unschooling from a fundamental approach. A child has right to their life. They have the right to make choices regarding their values. Whatever “by-products” come from this are none of the parents business as long as the child is not harming themselves or others. The seemingly tricky part of recognizing a child has rights is: how does that play out in a household where a parent also has rights?
I bring up this difference because there are frequently many comments on this site where parents seem to be embattled or on the defensive when explaining their unschooling approach to others. Rather than justifying their approach they can always say to a persistent rude questioner: it’s none of your business. But for those few questioners who are generally curious (and respectful in their approach with the question) I’d like for the unschoolers on here to consider this as an answer:
I unschool because I recognize the truth that my child has a right to their life. I recognize the nature of a (my) child and her burgeoning capacity for rationality. I know that a mind, at whatever stage, deserves the freedom to express and exercise itself. It is through the honoring of her freedom that a child will become self-made in the truest sense of the word.
I hope my post is not taken as a dis towards Penelope. She is doing tremendous yeowoman’s work in spreading this revolutionary approach to children. I thank her sincerely and effusively for doing this. Thank you, Penelope. Penelope, if you were to set up this site as a members-only social-networking site, I would easily and gladly pay $100/yr.
I’ve been advocating for unschooling for over 10 years now; soon after the closing of my elementary school. It was my former teacher at this school who first brought the idea of unschooling to my attention. It was after I realized the truth of this approach that I became an advocate, not because I was right about the recognition of this truth.
*** further proof of the importance, to me, of this approach: On my dating profile I state: I will not date a woman with children – unless she has a track record of unschooling them. ***
– Aquinas Heard
“A fanatic is one who won’t change his mind and won’t change the subject” -Winston Churchill
Penelope is a plausible fanatic, but I’m not convinced completely. Two reasons why:
1) She changes the subject. She brings in many non-homeschooling topics and then gives them a homeschool context. I don’t even have kids and I like learning what’s on the blog.
2) She is demonstrating domain expertise. She’s a pro at making social controversy interesting and factual. Personal conviction aside, she’s doing her job as an author really well.
I’m seeking opinions. Homeschool is not looking feasible this school year for my five year old. What do you think about a Spanish language immersion Kindergarten? My thinking is that it’d be a gift to my daughter considering this stage of her brain’s ability to learn languages. Spanish was her first language regrettably because of the fact I had to use nannies because of my work schedule. But now I regret that she’s losing it and want to help her preserve it. The good news is that I’m trying to fashion a work schedule so that I can take her and pick her up from school no later than 3 p.m., which is a big improvement. Also – regarding respecting the choice of children. My daughter loves school and wants to return to a structured environment. I’m still convinced that Penelope is right about homeschool. But it just seems like an immersion program is a pretty neat opportunity.
P.S. The particular immersion school that I’m considering appears to have typical deficiencies like high turnover rate of teachers.
I homeschool one of my children. It works for her. My son is still in “regular” school. He is nine. I cannot handle that at home just yet, maybe next year. He will be though ultimately, I find too much fault in schools and teachers. I make up the curriculum based on the kid’s needs. My daughter wants to be a writer so science is not her thing so we just do the book and a few labs. I refuse to push her into something she will hate and will cause me grief. Passion is useless mostly. She likes writing so she writes. I let her. I thought I would be an artist but the INTJ in me did not allow me to do that so I turned it into a business. Now since I have trouble with people and their choices I just want to own the business and have someone else deal with client’s requests. Unsolicited advice is my speciality and gleaning the facts and developing a logical direction just comes naturally so I changed my career goals and have hung my shingle out as a Life Coach of sorts. Go figure.