The real financials of homeschooling
The most surprising thing about moving from NYC to Madison, WI is that after we moved, it felt like there was not actually anything to spend money on. For example, kids have their birthday parties at home or in a park. And people aren’t willing to spend a lot to go out to dinner. So people with a lot of money literally go out of state to spend it.
The youngest kids
I noticed that going from regular school to homeschool feels very similar to the NYC to Madison transition: new financial stability. There are not special clothes for pajama day or field trips or the second pair of everything in the school locker. In fact, my kids didn’t always wear clothes, and when they did, nothing matched. And we didn’t pay dues and donations and the dollars that add up because you don’t say no at school.
Middle school
If you’re making financial decisions that are much different from your community you won’t fit into your community. So as kids get older it makes sense that parents try to spend what is necessary to make their kid feel similar to the other kids at school.
Trae Bodge is the consumer spending expert at RetailMeNot and he describes the ways parents spend extra money to keep up with the other families at school.
- Buying their child name-brand, popular or expensive clothing (30%)
- Donating money to the school (24%)
- Purchasing their child the latest gadgets (24%)
- Hosting impressive parties for their child (16%)
- Taking their child on lavish vacations (16%)
- Giving their child a high allowance (14%)
- Hiring a tutor (14%)
When you homeschool you’re already out on a limb, so spending money to keep up with other kids at school is no longer at the top of your radar. Of course, kids get expensive as they get older. I noticed that 14% say they spend money on tutors in order to keep up with other families. That’s the sort of thing that I spent a ton of money on as my kids got older. But so many of the items on this list are just not on my radar in terms of keeping up with other kids. That pressure really does come from school.
High school
Now that my kids have gotten to college, I have to admit that the high school years were really expensive. The biggest expense is making sure there are third-party measures for everything the kid does. So, for example, the assumption is that a homeschool education is not particularly good unless there are national tests like APs. Prep for those tests requires tutors, especially in subjects the kid isn’t great at.
The other route is having tutors write recommendations. But those recommendations only matter if they are from people who have experience teaching at a respected college. Otherwise the teacher has no basis to compare the student’s work with the work of other kids going to college. But those top-flight tutors are really expensive and hard to find.
That said, I’m not so sure sending the kids to school for high school would have been any cheaper. We’d had to have lived in a really expensive school district. Instead we lived in terrible school districts which allowed us to spend less on housing, and I’m certain having those low-income zip codes helped the kids when they were applying to college.
So maybe the issue is how you feel like you have the most control over finances dictates whether you feel like homeschooling creates financial stability. I’m so terrible at following rules, and it’s always expensive when I get into trouble for breaking rules. So maybe that’s really the genesis of me feeling like homeschool gives me financial stability.
My oldest is doing school at home through our local school district. Except for one year of middle school she has either been unschooled, homeschooled, or signed up for online school at home. She struggles with anxiety and doesn’t know what she wants to do. We will probably start her off in community college taking an interesting class here and there to see if anything sticks. She can’t really handle too much pressure. Even though she has had 4.0 Gpa and A honor roll throughout her high school career, being a student is not something she enjoys. College may not be for her.
My middle and youngest attend school in a desirable zip code in Minnesota. They seem to be enjoying themselves… not because of what they learn or don’t learn in school but because of the social activities that naturally occur in this environment. I never considered this part of the plan.
I think I had an easier time homeschooling when they were younger and when we were living in the LA area among a large homeschooling community. Homeschooling here in MN has been different, less support, less community, isolating, less activities… in LA there were hundreds of options available to us.
My middle wants to study abroad for college. She currently is a high school freshman. She obsesses about grades and scores and reminds me of Rori Gilmore from Gilmore Girls, just like her… and I hope studying abroad is something that will work out for her. I told her I’ll look into that stuff next year. Just feels like a lot of work.
My youngest has many learning challenges and the support she receives at school is invaluable. I don’t think college is in her future but we will see.
It’s crazy, I’ve been following your education blog for over a decade… probably around 12-13 years and I have always appreciated your perspective.
What do we do when the kids are no longer kids? Homeschool the grandkids?? Lolol
It’s such a pleasure to hear what is going on with your family. Not only have you been reading for ten years, but you’ve been commenting. So I feel like you and I have grown into our homeschooling role together.
It’s so important to hear what happens when kids get older. Very few parents write about it online — I think because it’s so much more difficult as kids get older. It feels to me like the beginning of homeschooling is giving kids more choices and more freedom and the high school part of homeschooling is helping the kids how to make tough choices and get on a path.
I really appreciate you saying that college might not be right for your kid. This is true for so many people but we don’t talk about it enough. For so long I assumed neither of my kids would go to college because I complain about the uselessness of college so much. But here I am with two kids in college.
As kids get older they choose their education for themselves, and it’s so surprising because we have so much control of things when they’re younger.
At any rate, I loved reading your update. Thanks. And thanks for making it feel like I’m not doing this journey alone.
Penelope
It has been awkward and frustrating trying to navigate homeschooling as they’ve gotten older while living in a new location. I always thought college was the path for my oldest, I had a plan to get her to take college courses during high school since the state pays for that. But, that was MY plan… and it turns out it wasn’t her plan. I would have liked to have been able to read more about homeschooling during the teen years, from anyone, but as you pointed out there isn’t much available.
Unschooling and homeschooling has been the best thing I ever did for my kids. Regardless of where they are now, giving them those educational choices and unschooling experiences so young and letting them know the option is always there has given them a unique education experience and perspective that will always be a part of them. It’s empowering.
I feel the same way: unschooling and homeschooling was a great thing I did for the kids. But I had almost no guidance during high school. I think that’s a lot of the reason why parents put kids in school for high school — there’s no guide rails for other choices. But what I’ve found is that homeschooling can give the biggest advantage to kids academically as a path to college.
Penelope
I’m glad to see YesMyKidsAreSocialized here still as well. I was reading while you Penelope were deciding to homeschool. My eldest did community college during her high school years & got an art degree then returned to run a CSA. Now she is doing a doctorate in math. The associate degree by 18 did not set her ahead at all, but she really feels she is in the right place now.
My youngest succeeded in getting his high school diploma with at home private study. He works in a couple local unskilled jobs. He thinks about a career, but he’s not found something to apply himself to that is realistic. Being on the spectrum as well as having health challenges make the future really difficult to envision or plan for.
When I think to myself: why are my kids in college? Mostly I think they would have a very rough transition to adulthood if they had to do it now. So just as elementary school is for babysitting, college is probably most useful for putting off adulthood. Of course for most parents (including me) this path only makes sense if the kids have scholarships.
Penelope
It’s great hearing updates from you!
With as expensive as college is I really think kids should be certain they need a degree before going. In many ways a degree isn’t necessary for entry employment. The state of MN, for example, removed the requirement of a degree from nearly every job position. Not all… but most of them. I would recommend a state job that comes with pension, retirement healthcare, and other perks including paying for degrees if that becomes necessary.
Another great update! I have noticed from a bunch of people that community college courses during high school don’t put a kid ahead — they just keep a kid on track. But it’s a good way to address the issue that parents can’t really teach kids during high school because our expertise, even if we have some, is not broad enough.
Penelope