I went to New York to pitch to investors, and I took my oldest son with me so that I didn’t feel like a bad mom.
I’d like to tell you that my boys love going to NY, but they don’t. They do like Broadway shows, so I took my son to see Annie. I saw it as a kid and remembered most of it, but one thing I didn’t remember is the moment when Daddy Warbucks puts the orphanage keeper in jail and then, of course, is responsible for all the orphans.
He has no wife and no structure in place to take care of six girls. So what will he do? Everything wraps up quickly with this phrase: “You’ll all leave the orphanage and live here and we’ll set you up in classrooms with desks and books!”
Of course, the only way to take care of kids and not really take care of kids is to put them away in school for most of the day. And if you have no resources, you use an orphanage. This is no longer politically acceptable, so now everyone puts their kids into schools, moneyed or not. Our schools today have replaced the orphanages.
But no one wants to think about this. I get it. No one loves the truth. Not at first.
His answer: “I’d get them to stop believing everything they think. We lie to ourselves more than anybody else. Jesus said the truth will set you free–but first it makes you miserable.”
Did Jesus say that? I always wonder about people quoting Jesus. But it sounds true to me.
It’s so easy to put people down for not seeing what I see. Because what I see is so clear to me. But I know that I’m lying to myself about other stuff so that I won’t feel the pain.
After all, it’s painful enough that I’m home with my kids all day – I had to give up a million visions of my life that required sending kids to school all day.
I tell myself that I should risk the pain of facing lies because children of risk-averse parents are lower achievers.
So I’m thinking today about what lies I tell myself. For one thing, while I was thinking about the indictment of school in Annie, I was also popping Xanax. I told myself it was for claustrophobia, which it might be, but I only got insanely sensitive to feeling trapped after I had kids. Probably Xanax is trying to make up for how I’d rather write a blog post than talk to my husband. Or anyone. Really, I just don’t want to talk with anyone. And maybe I need something else beside narcotics to deal with that feeling.
So I am popping Xanax in Annie like people are protesting test scores in schools. We all know it’s wrong but it’s easier to complain about it than change it.
Sometimes I feel high and mighty and the truth is easy to face. But today I understand why parents who know school is stupid still send their kids to school.